Hi my full name is Autumn Rishanndra Destiny Willhite. I am 17.

Favorite movies: All good musical but my favorite is Rent.  

Listed above are a few things about me, but that's not all about me there are a few things you should know such as, my name hasn't always been Autumn Willhite. My name used 2 be Autumn Mangrum, or Autumn Tipton. But lets just start from the beginning… I was born on March 2 the year of 1993 to my mother Misha Tipton and my father Ricky Fields. I have 2 sisters and a brother. My sisters’ names are Natasha and Tracie Fields. The name of my brother is Nakota Tipton. My full name is Autumn Rishanndra Destiny Wilkins. My mother actually told me that if I would have had green eyes that I would have been named Jade Amethyst. Your probably wondering why my brother, sisters, and I all have different last names, I’ll get to that a little bit later in the story. My mother conceived my brother first; he’s a year older than me. My mother actually cheated on my father, Rick, with another man to conceive my brother. Kota never knew his real father. Brother, sisters, and I all have different last name is because my dad signed his birth certificate and not mine. When I was born no one could fine my father. Natasha and Tracie have different last names because we have the same dad but different moms. One day I got the courage to tell my brother that to confront my brother and tell him that we have different fathers and that his father was in prison for rape and murder… he wouldn’t believe me. A year after Kota was born… I came along. Two years after I was born… my father died. My father had never seen me nor had he ever laid eyes on me. My father was drunk, walking down the side of the road. Then… he was hit by a car. My mother was a druggie. When I was little my mom would take off and leave my brother and I home alone with no food or anything to drink. We would have to take care of each other…. I was 5. We lived behind a trashcan I the apartment complex, eating food out of the trash, and drinking from puddles of water. Every night my brother and I would hide in the closet and wait for our mother to come home. When she came home and drag us out of the closet to our rooms… then she would beat us one at a time. First, it was me... she would beat us until we grew silent, then it was my brothers turn. I would lie in bed listening to him scream and yell for help… screaming my name, but I couldn’t help him. I remember one day I told my mom that I was hungry, so I asked for something to eat. My mother then hit me across my face so hard that my nose started to bleed. Not too long after that happened, the teachers of my school started asking questions. Soon after that my brother and I were taken away from our mother. We were placed into DHS custody. We lived with a woman named Vonda Simpson. In our time living with Mrs. Simpson, I had very bad anger issues. One day my brother made me, so mad that later that night when he was sleeping, I snuck into his room and bit three chunks of flesh out of his back and kicked a whole through the wall. Not too long after that happened, the impossible happened… my brother and I were separated. My grandmother and father took Kota and left me in foster care. A few months after Nakota was taken out of foster care, I became too much for Vonda to handle. So, I moved in with her sister Mary Lu. When I turned five, I went back to live with my biological mother. I think we all know how that turned out. My mother then again abused me. Only this time it wasn’t just physical abuse. My mother was not cautious about who took care of me. I was then sexually abused by my mother’s boy-friends son. Then I was taken out of that home and placed into another home. At that time I didn’t know that I was being sexually abused; because he had insisted that everything that he had been doing was normal and he was suppose to do it. I was then placed back into foster care until I was eight. Then I went with Gwen. Gwen is my third cousin on my mother’s side. While living with her I was being sexually abused by her son. I had lived with Gwen for two years. Then DHS and Cherokee Nation had removed me from their home, because her father had moved in with us and he was a sex offender. While living in their home I lived in 33 different states.  DHS then proceeded to tell me that I was going to go my grandparents’ house to live with them and my brother. They then drove right past my grandparents home and took me to live with Edgar and Amberly Willhites house. When I showed up at the Willhites house, there were only Alisha, Amberly, Edgar, and Justin living in the house. My first night was the hardest. My second day, I was trapped by the trashcan and had tea poured over my head because I wouldn’t smile. I was hated by Edgar. He never wanted me to be there, so, Amberly forged Edgar’s signature on the adoption papers. On March 23, 2003, after Mr. Tiger (my case worker) had asked me if I liked where I lived. I said yes, for the fear of going back to foster care. A year after the adoption was final, Justin, had sexually abused me. Three years after I was adopted, Edgar and Amberly had split- up. My mother, Alisha, and I had moved to Tahlequah. Three months later they decided to get back together for Alisha’s sake. We then moved to a little place called Cedar Crest. I’m not going to lie, I HATE AMBERLY!!!! About a year later we moved to Locust Grove, where we lived approximately 1.3 miles west of the high school. March 23, 2009, I met the love of my life Juan Mata. April, 9, my parents split up for good. Alisha went with Edgar and I stayed with my mom. I never talked to her….. honestly I actually I hated her. Two months later, Alisha had came back to live with us because she was pregnant.  July 18, 2009, Juan asked me to marry him and of course I said “Yes”! Ok let’s go back a ways and look at what I was when I was little. Sometimes when I get really mad at a person I just wish I could kill them. It seems a little weird but I always…. Well I’ve always had this thing where I’ve wanted to kill someone I’ve never told anyone this but… I use to sit and daydream about how to kill people. I can just picture in my mind, walking up to someone that I hate, putting a gun to their head and pulling the trigger or wanting to walk up to them and slit their throat then I picture standing over their body, covered in blood, thinking about what will become of me and what I’ve become.

      Sometimes I just kick back and think of how I would die. I mean really is it not true that death is the most beautiful adventure in life and the goal of every life is death? When I think about homicidal ideation, my brain says one thing while my heart stays sane and goes unnoticed I feel desolate in my own mind, I feel locked up with nowhere to go. I don’t know what I am doing; I don’t know where my mind will take me. I don’t know what to feel; I don’t know what to say. I lay in my bed, I close my eyes, and I look back at all the beatings, fights, and manipulations, all the feelings of depression and abduction. You see a lot of people never see the homicidal part of me. For joy is my heart……and anger is my soul. Since they are combined I’m in hell! No one sees the anger inside of me. All they see is my joy. Day in and say out I’m being tortured by the voice in my head telling me to burst,  but since I’m a nice person…I go to bed at night in a cold sweat from repressing my anger. My homicidal ideation, I believe, was caused around my age of six (6). I had found a stray cat and took it home the cat looked as if it was cold…. So I thought to myself “when something is wet you put it in the dryer to dry it, when something is cold…you put it in the microwave to warm it up” I put the cat in the microwave. I set it on about 20 min….well of course the cat died and for some reason I laughed… about two weeks later I found another cat and through it in the dog pin and watched them play tug-of-war with the cat. The next time I saw a dog get hit by a car…..I laughed. A few years later seven to be exact, my hate for Amy, my adoptive mother, grew stronger. Finally one day I snapped, when she told me to make her a glass of tea..I tried to kill her. I put pine-sol in her tea… she drank half the glass then said, “this taste funny” then she ordered me to make her another glass of tea…so I did. She got sick but I didn’t kill her I have so many times thought of ways to kill Amy….but when it comes down to it, I couldn’t find it in my heart to kill anything anymore. In my life time I have learned that no one is worth losing your freedom over. I’ve learned to forgive and forget. I learned what love is….I’ve learned how to love. September 8^th was one of the most tragic things that had ever happened to me in my whole life. My best friend in the whole world (that was a guy) hung himself. Chase Dane Bogle was like my little big brother, blood couldn’t make us any closer.  When I got that text saying that he was dead, I didn’t believe it. I then texted everyone that I knew, asking them about Chase and what was going on….. I finally got an answer…. But it was the wrong one…I was so hurt… I was hurt more than words could ever begin to express how I felt. Still today I really don’t know how to deal with my friends’ suicide. After his death my life went downhill. A month later another one of my friends committed suicide… he hung himself. When I found this out I ran away from home. I partied for three days straight, non-stop. Then finally Friday I went back to school and was caught. My mom (Amberly) came up to the school and tried to get me. I’m not going to lie…. I made a scene! I was not about to go home with her. Finally after an hour of the SRO officer talking to me… I finally went with her. We got home and she told me to go rake the yard, then I said “ok”. She then told me that I needed to give her my phone, I then said “no”. She proceeded to walk towards me and ask for my phone. Where I proceeded to say “no” and walk away. Then I turned around and started to run. As I started to run she yelled “You stupid F@$! %^)* B! $#@, I’ll call the cops on you”. Where I then said “It’s too late I called the cops on myself”. I called Karen Raith, the SRO Officer, and told her that I took off and was heading back to town, so she needed to come pick me up. Officer Raith came and got me where we then went back to LGPD (Locust Grove Police Department), where Mayes County PD got involved. When the MCDP officer arrived at the LGPD he had asked me if I had any intention of hurting myself or anyone else. I then said “Yes”. He had my mother take me to the hospital in Pryor which sent me to a place called Willow Crest Hospital. October 30, 2009, at 18:14:53, I was admitted into Willow Crest Hospital. After 43 days in WCH I was discharged for throwing up blood. I was hospitalized for three days. I went home…. 3 days later I went back to WCH. April 15, 2010…. I was discharged for good. Now I have a new family…. And they are perfect in my eyes in every way….. lol ok lets back up a little In 2004 my life changed I started drinking, smoking, getting high, shooting up, getting into something I never wanted to be a part of. But it was too late because of me, some1 very close 2 me died because I wasn’t there when I was suppose to be, to help him make a drop. I will never forget that day for as long as I live. Although what I’ve said thus far isn’t even half of my life it’s as much as you should know. If you have any questions or would just like to talk hit me up.

One of my friends from school came up to me one day and asked me if I would go to church with him. I told him that I didn't do church and that I wasn't going to be seen walking around with some stupid Christian want to be. But that didn't stop him, he never gave up, he kept dogging and dogging and dogging me about it, so I went. It changed my life completely. I had no idea what was happening to me. It was an overwhelming feeling that just came over me. I fell to my knees in tears. I started to fell so much hurt and conviction, the burdens on my heart became too much, and I knew that no longer could I live my life the way I had been living it for so long. At that time I knew that I had to change. That night I was saved. Now I am 16 years of age. if it wasn’t for that night at church....I could very well be dead, and I thank God every day for giving me the air that I breath, and the love of friends and people that care, not only for the word of God, but for the youth of our nation.....for allowing me and others to see the light and change our lives completely. I'm now in AA & NA Meetings to help with the drugs and drinking. I am now a Prosecuting Attorney for Mayes County Youth Court...and I’ve have been invited to go to Europe to sing in 7 different countries for 16 day since then I’ve been nominated "Most Outstanding Chorus Member" for 2 years in a row. My life has completely changed since I found God and I wouldn’t trade it for everything in the world. I know we all have our ups and downs, but when you’re in need just call on him....he loves you, no matter what your going through he is always there, waiting to listen. Just cry out to the one who loves you the most. He can help you.....He helped me!!!!

 

Occupation:
High School

Interests and hobbies:
Listening to music, hanging with friends, singing, but most of all writing poetry. Im involved with science club, FCS, BPA, Youth Court, church, and varsity track.

Favorite bands and musicians:
Not quite sure but im going to say it is between Skillet, Da Burnin' Bush, and Micheal Boggs.

Favorite movies:
Rent....all good musicals.....and Second Chance.

Favorite TV shows:
Who needs TV shows

Favorite stuff:
boxing, football, Baseball, track, writing poems, Rock crawling, singing, But most of all i like soccer.